Overdosed on Jane Austen and Moulin Rouge

It’s not a standard disclaimer, but it is a disclaimer of sorts.

The odd combination of watching two versions of Pride & Prejudice and Moulin Rouge in a twenty-four hour period put me into a very introspective sort of mood.  Not quite melancholy, but definitely a bit pensive. 

There is, of course, more to it than just too much time watching movies.  A few months ago I started worrying about a kitten rescued years earlier.  The cat found a home with my ex just before he left me.  It really bugged me not knowing what happened to it, so I decided to ask.

This was a HUGE step for me.  This is my infamous ex.  Everyone has one.  He (or she) is the one who broke you heart, cheated on you, left you for someone else, or some other variant on the theme.  He’s the guy your friends hate out of loyalty to you.  He’s the one who neatly packed a few suitcases of emotional baggage and handed them to you on your way out the door.  THE EX.

I figured it’s been well over half a decade, it’s time to let go of some of that hate and move on with life.  So, I sent an email.  Short, simple, cordial even.  And I got a reply.  Short and simple with a hint of friendly.  The cat is fine and happy in a good home. 

This took away years of wondering what had happened to the poor thing.  I’m glad it has a home.  

But it didn’t really take away the years of hating and hurting.  He was the one who first broke my heart.  Add that to the themes of Jane Austen and Baz Luhrmann and I’m contemplating the nature of love.

I used to believe in it.  Like countless other naive young girls, Love was everything.  It was sweet.  It was pure.  It was ideal and simple.  It was divine perfection.  It’s not true.  But buried deep in my bitter heart, there’s still a little girl who longs for it. 

“The greatest thing you’ll ever learn is just to love and be loved in return.”

There’s such a profound truth there.  We forget how to love, how to be loved.  And maybe some of us never quite find the way back.  How do you find the way back?  How do you find that ideal you longed for before the world, or an ex, taught you not to?  How do you learn to love?  And perhaps more importantly, how do you learn to let someone love you?

I don’t have the definitive answer.  I don’t know that anyone does.  Maybe part of it is letting go of the hate and hurt of past wounds.  Maybe part of it is looking at the ex and seeing a person instead of THE EX.  The only thing I can do is try and see how it goes.

And in the meantime, I’ll hide my Jane Austen and Moulin Rouge.  

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